Sunday, July 13, 2008

Why Buy Side ?

Interviewer: So Son, why do you want to be in Buy Side? Me: Sir, because I want to make lots of money in the carry. And also I want to come to the Buy side because Sell Side sucks. In Buy Side, you say Fuck You and bang the phone. In Sell Side, you bang the phone and then say Fuck You. I want to say Fuck You before banging the phone. Interviewer: Ummm....Honest and Ballsy comment. We would get back to you No-One Got back..... I learned that honesty is probably not the best policy... But would give it one more shot.. Interviewer 2: So Son, why do you want to be in Buy Side? Me: Sir, I think the idea of analyzing a business model, understanding the value drivers of a business and dynamics of an Industry is extremely challenging and intellectually exciting. Interacting with management of a corporation, understand their strategy for the business and evaluating how it would affect the business in the long run and then making an investment on all these factors looks extremely exciting and challenging to me. Not to mention, learning opporunities are immense. Interviewer 2: Good, but I think we would need to get back to you.... No-One got back this time as well.... Honesty was not the best policy after all... Interviewer 3: So Son, Why Buy Side? Me: Sir, since my childhood, I have been dreaming of Private Equity. It is the only career I ever wanted to pursue. I have been having dreams of a Man riding a Unicorn, having a shining sword in his hand and wearing black robe and a mask. I saw myself chained to a wall with the word Sell Side graved on it. The Man would walk up to me, would whisper "Always look for EV/EBITDA" in my ears, would cut my chains and would set me free. And I used to woke up drenched in sweat. I have been convinced that since my childhood, the only salvation I would get, I would get through Buy Side... Interviewer 3: Well Done Son. We hire you and collect your sign on bonus check from the Accounts Deptt...

1 comment:

CH said...

Not every buy side person use the word "fuck you" before banging the phone. Sometimes they use more gentle ones like "screw you" or "i would like to stuff my humble self into your arse". Hahahaha.... good piece!